Money Dysmorphia

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Hey Simplifiers,

Money dysmorphia is a term that refers to the feeling of guilt or shame when spending money, even if you can afford it. For many Black women, particularly eldest daughters, this feeling is deeply rooted in their cultural upbringing and sense of responsibility. If you’ve ever felt like you’re walking a fine line between financial freedom and guilt for spending, you’re not alone.

Today, we’re diving into the complex relationship many Black women have with money—how being the eldest daughter in an African American household influences your financial mindset and shapes how you view money and spending.

What is Money Dysmorphia?

Money dysmorphia is often described as an unhealthy relationship with money, where individuals feel extreme guilt or anxiety about spending. This might manifest as an obsessive desire to save, a fear of financial instability, or the sense that you’re not allowed to indulge in luxuries because of the responsibility you feel.

In many households, particularly for eldest childern, there’s an underlying belief that you should be the “financial pillar” for your family. From helping pay bills to supporting younger siblings or even covering family emergencies, this heavy sense of duty can create a complex relationship with money.

How Does Cultural Upbringing Shape Financial Mindset?

For many eldest daughters, the experience of money dysmorphia often begins with the cultural expectations that are placed on them. Many cultures emphasize communal living and collective responsibility. Eldest daughters are often expected to:

• Provide financial support: Whether it’s paying bills, supporting parents, or assisting siblings with school fees, the eldest daughter frequently plays a key role in family finances.

• Be self-sufficient: There’s a cultural expectation that the eldest daughter will “have it together” financially and set an example for the younger siblings.

• Sacrifice personal needs: It’s not uncommon for eldest daughters to feel like their personal financial needs and desires must come second to the family’s needs.

These expectations create a mentality that spending money on oneself is selfish or irresponsible, leading to guilt when the eldest daughter buys something for themselves or indulges in anything beyond the bare minimum.

How Does Money Dysmorphia Manifest for Eldest Daughters?

Here are some ways in which money dysmorphia can affect eldest daughters:

• Guilt About Spending: The eldest daughter might feel guilt when buying anything outside of basic necessities, such as treating herself to a luxury item or indulging in a night out.

• Constant Over-Saving: Many eldest daughters are conditioned to save excessively, feeling as though they can never spend money without feeling like they should be using it to help others.

• Financial Anxiety: The pressure to constantly provide and care for others can lead to anxiety about financial security, even when things are stable.

• Reluctance to Set Boundaries: Feeling responsible for everyone often leads to difficulty setting financial boundaries. Eldest daughters may overextend themselves financially by prioritizing family needs over their own.

Shifting the Narrative: Reclaiming Your Relationship with Money

Understanding the roots of money dysmorphia is the first step to breaking free from it. Eldest daughters, it’s important to remember:

1. Your needs are just as important as others': It’s okay to prioritize your own financial well-being and indulge in things that bring you joy. You are not selfish for taking care of yourself.

2. Set financial boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for when and how you can help family members. You can be a support system without sacrificing your financial security.

3. Invest in yourself: Whether it’s your career, personal development, or future financial goals, invest in yourself. The better you are financially, the more you can help others in the long term.

It’s about finding the balance between fulfilling your familial responsibilities and taking care of your own financial needs. And most importantly, it’s about forgiving yourself for taking care of YOU.

Money dysmorphia in Black women, particularly eldest daughters, is a real and valid experience. But you don’t have to live in guilt or self-sacrifice. Reclaim your relationship with money, set healthy financial boundaries, and remember that you deserve the same financial freedom and peace of mind as anyone else.

If you're struggling with money dysmorphia, know that you’re not alone. It’s time to challenge these ingrained beliefs and rewrite your financial story.

Talk soon,
C
Founder of The Simple Adult 🩶

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